Friday.

my funny little man

Planning my upcoming trip to the Oregon Brew Fest tomorrow... Do you think it's wrong to bribe children with the promise of flowing rivers of Root Beer? I feel like I'm really just preparing them for a lifetime of successful brew fest attendance... The little man and I made it down to the fest for an hour today - just enough time to redeem my mug/token special, get him a leopard tattoo, and enjoy a glass of rootbeer before swim lessons... He was a freaking champ. Swerving through throngs of people, bee lining without fretting about the crowds... He's his mama's boy.

the big ol' tent at OBF!

Tomorrow, the real thing - the full on experience, complete with impromptu meetup of my pdxbeergeeks. I love these people. So freaking enthusiastic about craftbeer, genuinely nice people, and a ton of fun to hang out with. I feel so fortunate to have stumbled across this little pocket of people, and they are responding in leaps and bounds to the new PDX Beer Geeks project that Michael and I came up with over CDA vs Black IPA conversation that I didn't know was happening, and our mutual dislike for a certain beer which was neither a CDA nor a Black IPA, but was, in fact, rather awful.

this mamma jamma was in my car this morning!

The other day I was remembering not too many years ago, maybe 7 or 8, when I was so sad and depressed and despondent over my life that I had considered driving off the road. Like just, literally, steering my car off of the highway and into a tree. It seemed preferable to the life I was living at the time, and I thought about doing it more than a few times. It pains me to write this - to think about my younger self, how bleak the world looked, how lonesome I'd become and cut-off from friends, alienated from family... It's a long story, but suffice it to say, it got worse before it got better - the steps along the way to *this* point make me so grateful for the opportunities I have each and every day. The connections I make with people breathe life and love into me, and these crafty people, craft beer people, my friends from Found, the people who I meet and instantly love - this is the reward for walking through that darkness. I have my tribe. Every day, I am thankful I knew that pain, because every day, I have the chance to make a friend, to hold tight to those I love, and to enjoy life. These are my rewards and I cherish them every day.

deliciousness at Ristretto...

Sorry, that was a little heavy. But it had to be said. I really do love my people. All of them. Annnnnnnnnnd moving on. Slept 9 hours last night, better living through pharmaceuticals, thank you very much Benadryl... Awoke to a slight twinge of migraine remaining, but powered on through (ok, really, it wasn't so much powering as *coasting* on through) the morning, including a re-do on the coffee & breakfast with my little man today - headed up to Ristretto Roasters for some delish coffee (cocoa for him) and grabbed a bagel sandwich at Bagel Land. Best bagels ever.

Stopped by the office where it appears as though our garden is going great guns now that the rains have stopped for a bit - hoping that the lush tomato plants will soon yield some juicy fruit... And as soon as the blackberries come on I'll be saving some of the juiciest ones for blackberry vodka... Nom.

neglected hops are happy hops

My hops, though neglected this year, seem to be perking right along. Despite the lack of trellis, they are climbing happily along the top of the fence, and don't seem to have any powdery mildew this year! I'm expecting a good crop, enough for a mystery fresh hop beer - next year I'll have to separate out the vines, because this year I'll have an unknown hybrid of Willamette, Magnum & Nugget hops. Makes for an exciting and truly unique beer come September.

all packed up... awaiting garage sale day on Aug 6th.

That's it - the report for the day. I'm pleased to announce that aside from the separate project of PDX Beer Geeks, I'm down to one blog. This makes me smile. That, and the bittersweet fact that this weekend will mark my last as a vendor at Found on Fremont, but these decisions are all culminating in good things; more design work, less clutter, less busy work, more time with friends & family. Learning to work to live instead of live to work. And I'm loving every step of the way.

A little shout out to a few people who have helped inspire my reclamation of time & sanity... Y'all know who you are, I wouldn't be where I am without you, or the girl I am now without you in my life.

I would walk the ends of the earth for you guys, and I love you forever.

Adventures lately... in pictures

Fortunately, I've been busy. Work, kids, freelancing, beery adventures... all these things are keeping me pretty booked, and I'm definitely *not* complaining.

Love, and the pursuit of connection...

♥ ♥ “The world is too dangerous for anything but truth and too small for anything but love.” ♥ ♥

- William Sloan Coffin 

There are times; days... moments... where I am struck with an incomprehensible, all encompassing amount of love. Out of nowhere, sometimes from a dream, in the middle of the day, and in the middle of the night... I am frozen in mid-thought with an overwhelming feeling of love and devotion to the world. Yes, I know this makes me sound hippy-dippy. But I don't care. I really *do* want to have a huge farm where my friends and I can all live and be happy. So what.

Right out of high school I had a boyfriend who was Mormon. He spent one weekend describing (in detail) the ways in which his family was concerned for my soul. He went on to tell me that now that I'd heard the story of the Book of Mormon, knew about Joseph Smith, and had heard about the calling of the Angel Moroni, that I would go to hell if I didn't choose the right path (Mormonism). And I was so sad, not just for him, but for the whole world. It seemed so tragic that so much time is spent on making just one viewpoint seem like the right one, and that just one choice can be made. I much prefer to think of the world in shades of gorgeous, tonal shades of gray, rather than black or white. I told him that I was very thankful for the concern for my soul - indeed, I was so touched by the genuine concern from his family that I spent the great deal of one day crying my little eyes out. Silly, I know.  But in the end, I knew that I could only respect his views, and had to tell him so. I was so happy to wish him well, despite the opportunity for sour grapes. I discovered later that he'd had a daughter and named her Emma Leigh, as a nod to me, his mother said.

I fly awake in the middle of the night - out of deep sleep, thinking about what I can do to ease people's suffering. For a long time, I wasn't able to reconcile the way that I felt - entirely helpless - with the fact that there seem to be few tangible opportunities to make a significant difference in the suffering all over the world. I feel this way every time something of monumental proportion happens in the world. Hurricane Katrina. Japan's Tsunami. Joplin, Missouri. I am physically affected when I think of people suffering. And at times this has been a very hard reconciliation.  

While in school, I met someone who charted my stars. Yes. My astrological sign, combined with all that aligns to make me who I am... I don't share, overtly or directly, what my  "life's purpose" is, but I do try to live it every day. This has been an interesting experience, to say the least - and the information imparted has impacted my life daily since then. I'm not always successful, but I feel that knowing what my goal is and striving each day to do better than the day before has proven an attainable goal.

Two lovely people, instructors, at Marylhurst, also deeply affected my life. While I was in the middle of an ill-fated marriage, Dr. Ken Weizer and Julia King Tamang gave me invaluable guidance without even knowing it; their constant devotion to healing and hearing other human beings was a remarkable force for me. I remember one day saying to my then husband, "I want to be the nice girl. I want to be the girl who, when someone meets me at a party, or comments on having made my acquaintance, they say 'that Emily, such a nice girl. Never a mean thing about her.'" He scoffed, and said "Really? You'll never be that girl." And he was right - in that moment, where my life was, I never could have been that girl. I was so desperately unhappy, and completely unfocused that it was as true a statement as he ever could have made. 

I'm still not 100% "that girl." There are still times when I'm so tired, and so grumpy that I *do* say mean things. But they're fewer and further between. Recently, my dear friend Beth (when I recounted this story to her, of wanting to be "the nice girl") said "I think you ARE that girl!" This was the kindest and most loving thing that anyone could ever say! 

I still can't always tune out the things that make me marvel when I hear Paul Simon sing, or the opening riff of Baba O'Riley. I get teary eyed when I watch my daughter dance. Music, arts, strident calls to peaceful action, these things all have significant impact on me - and I feel my heart swell when I think about people working in tandem, in cooperation, and in kindness to one another.   

I hope that those around me would agree that I've come such a long way in the last 15 years, and that I've continued to create a life based on human connection. All this to say, I love people. I love their stories, their experiences. I love to care about people and make connections, and help foster more love in the world. So if you're someone I call a friend, know that it's so until the end of my days. If we've lost touch, know that I won't ever forget you. And if you're new here, welcome. There's plenty of room.

This is my friend.

my sweet friend Shana. i dont know who took this cute picture.

Her name is Shana. She's awesome. You should believe this, because: 

She makes the best cupcakes in the world. 

★

She has a tattoo of a PIE on her wrist. 

★

She has turquoise hair. 

★

Her dog's name is Monkey. 

★

She makes beautiful things. 

★

She collects awesome art. 

★

She likes Sci-Fi. 

★

She and her husband are a hoot together. 

★

She's kind and funny and insightful and darling and smart.

~

Recently, her phone died, and she lost all her pictures, and lots of info. Even though she said it was ok, and she kept moving through it, it's a bummer to have your phone die, right?

So, I decided to throw her a surprise party on Twitter. 

Who doesn't love to be told they're awesome?

Join us, in the surprise #yayyouparty for Shana on Twitter @cookoorikoo. 

photo by cookoorikoo (c) 2011

You can find out more neat things about her on her blog & see her beautiful rings, necklaces, and hair accessories here on Etsy.

♥ Happy YAY YOU day, Shana. We love you. ♥

Here is Shana's follow up post to the #yayyou party! She liked it!